a blind-folded journey

blind-folded eyes
what-if's everywhere
rocky path
stumbling ground
crawling
crying out
self-pity state
but self-pity is a sin
fear
a downward spiral is the hole
but how deep you go down
depends on
faith
faith
faith on the invisible hand
that is holding you
on your right hand

I wish

I wish 

I could say Fuck-You

on your face

but no

I'm smiling

and that alone is more

 than a fuck-you-on-your-face

I wish 

you'd stop saying things against me

because no matter what word you throw at me

it's kind of obvious that  

 it's actually you against yourself

don't you think so?

I wish 

you knew

oh how I wish you knew

       

Beliefs and Respect

Living here has exposed me to certain cultures that are not typical in where I used to live. Last time, there's a picture in Facebook showing two pictures of the same man. The first showing him in a shirt with full-tattooed arms and the second is him in his work uniform - a doctor. 

A few years back, if I saw the tattooed him walking in the street, I'd say he's a drug addict or a criminal waiting to be found. Well living here changes my perception. In the hospitals, I saw doctors with the same image- tattoos all over their arms. In universities, lecturers have very casual personalities - some dressed up like painters or electricians, some happily use bicycles to class, some  use big motorbikes like street gangsters.  But when you have a sneak peak at their room, you'll find that they are professors having written excellent books and being active with international charity work in education.

 In the church, I met two pastors, husband and wife who have deep passion for fashion despite their love in serving the Lord. And by that I do not mean they wear fashionable robes to mass. They channel it outside the church, in a blogging community where they hope to inspire people in the art of fashion. In my workplace,  my cleaning supervisor never mentioned it until the last day of our work that he actually is one of the boss of the entire cleaning company. And that merely is a coincident because I asked about his surname. Have I not asked, he will never have mentioned it. 

All these stories tell me that 1) people are doing what makes them happy - tattoos, appreciation on the art of fashion, big bikers and being a cleaning supervisor 2) the one people uncomfortable with what they are doing is me. I am uncomfortable because people really really do what makes them happy, which is very rare in my community. Everyday, you'll hear stories about people condemning other people's belief, people justifying their own beliefs, people announcing their dissatisfaction over the details of other people's belief. All of these seem to shape a community like me - someone who is afraid of people making fun of her beliefs, someone who will turn defensive when people questioned her of her beliefs, someone who feels when her belief is right, all others are wrong, someone who feels the need to justify her belief so people know why she did what she did. 

But living here truly makes a difference. My almost 3 years here have taught me so much about culture and respect. It teaches me that wanting to understand about other people's belief does not necessarily mean you support them.  It teaches me to follow my heart's desires, but not to be overcomed by it. It teaches me about pride, about humility. It teaches me exactly what my lecturer said, that it is what you do not do in front of others that matters. And when someone is being disrespectful to others' beliefs, it too, makes me question - who really is insecure of their own belief?